Porn: can it undermine your sex life?

15 September 2017
366 Views

It’s a common secret and no one talks about it. Porn can devastate a man’s self-confidence, causing anxiety and killing his sex drive.

According to researchers, pleasure from erotic movies can have a boomerang effect not only on a man’s perception of his own body but also on his erectile function.

“Nowadays, porn is accessible to everyone, everywhere; using a smartphone, home TV or laptop you can access specific websites, watch movies and even reality shows, says Konstantinos Konstantinidis, MD, PSC, PhD, urologist – andrologist, President of International Andrology and Director of the Sexual Medicine Clinic at Athens Medical Centre [Chief at Athens Medical Centre’s Sexual Health Clinic].

“Men, however, are often affected by porn-sized penises and actors offering endless pleasure to their partner. They tend to compare themselves with porn stars and, of course, they end up feeling miserable. You need to ask yourself: how do you define “normal” and “realistic” when it comes to penis size, says Dr. Konstantinidis.
Therefore, it seems that many men are raising the bar too high. Their expectations are far from realistic as they seem unable to understand the difference between a man who has undergone surgery to make his penis look bigger and an actor with a natural-sized penis.

According to psychologists, over-exposure to porn is quite common among men today. Specialists look at this matter as a clinically evolving phenomenon which feeds on comparisons that men make and the non-realistic perception of their body.

“If a man can’t “come”, if he suffers from erectile dysfunction or premature ejaculation and if he is excessively worried about his performance in bed, he is most probably a heavy porn user with irrationally high sexual expectations”, points out the President of International Andrology and Director of the Sexual Medicine Clinic in Athens Medical Centre.

Porn also seems to be breaking up relationships since, either the porn-addicted husband is neglecting his real-life wife by seeking virtual ways of arousement…or the wife starts to envy porn-sized penises harming her husband’s self-confidence and serving another blow on the strenuous family routine ….says Helen Daskalaki, LLM, Athens Attorney-at-Law.

So, is there anything you can do to save the game and fight worries and problems that keep you from having a balanced sex life? Researchers have the following advice:
1. Stop making comparisons – they only steal your happiness. There will always be men with larger penises who seem to better at sex and more experienced than you. Likewise, there will always be men with smaller penises who perform poorly and are less experienced than you. Keep in mind that no one is the same as you.
Porn movies are full of large penises, seen through cameras that are positioned so that the image becomes more appealing. Did you know that the average length of an erect penis is 12-13 cm? If this sounds small to you, then your judgment is most likely affected by what you see in porn movies.

2. Accept the fact that porn is not real life. X-rated movies give a fake depiction of sex. As soon as the director and operator say “camera, rolling” actors start acting. Producers and movie directors work with camera operators and sound recorders.
Whether you are viewing a porn movie or a reality show, the picture is fake, made-up, so that everything will appear perfect, with filters and tricks. Sometimes, even the sounds you hear are fake. Porn movies and reality shows are virtual but if you are a frequent viewer, you will end up believing that what you see is real.

3. Re-thing your expectations in bed. Be realistic. Women always have orgasms in X-rated movies. But new research on pornography suggests that women have orgasms in only 18% of cases. So, if you copy what you see on the screen your partner has an 18% chance of having an orgasm. Moreover, most porn movies are far from everyday happy and healthy sex life.
Porn is often based on men’s fantasies; threesomes, hairless bodies and lesbian sex. Foreplay only aims at fast arousal and quick penetration. Instead of imitating what you see, you should try to find out the tricks that will give pleasure to you and your partner.

4. Be willing to try without overdoing it but do it again and enjoy it. Have you ever eaten so much pizza that you feel you never want to eat pizza again for the rest of your life? Porn is sex served right in front of your eyes, without any anticipation. It’s getting without asking. But watching too much will gradually reduce your satisfaction and pleasure.
Abstaining from pornography and masturbation will help you get your healthy sex life back. You will find a new appetite for sex.

5. Re-value small and simple things. A spicy text message to your partner when least expected; a promise of a night of sex; a touch when in public… you will never see things like that in porn sites, but this is all you need to keep your passion alive and boost your sex life.
In pornography, everything is associated with the act of sex, penetration and orgasm. There is no intimacy between partners, no enthusiasm, no passion, no mutual satisfaction as in real life.
However, if a man still feels he can’t perform well in bed or if he thinks nature was less generous with his penis’ size, he can always ask a specialized physician for a medical opinion and the right solution to the problem, sums up Dr. Konstantinidis.

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