Contrary to what people want to believe, what makes us choose a partner is the feeling of security and not just… crush. And it’s not because of the economic crisis; experts say that has always been the deal.
So, we fall in love and enjoy wild sex without thinking about our partner’s age or money but when time comes to get married or move in together with someone, we always choose that partner who makes us feel more secure.
A survey carried out by Andrology Institute Athens from 2011 to 2016 on 5,000 couples aged 25 to 65 years – a representative sample of our society – has shown that this is indeed true.
The main questions were how important is love, sex and financial security in choosing a love partner.
Only 18% (two out of ten) believes that love has an important role in a relationship.
“No wonder why things are not going that well in our relationships” says Dr. Konstantinos Konstantinidis, President of Andrology Institute Athens (www.andrologia.gr).
“Relationships that are based on security and have buried away desire and the craziness of love have definitely messed up the recipe for a better sex life”.
According to Dr. Konstantinidis, first sex, then love, in the years of civilization and, finally, social structure were the three pillars of survival, based on Darwin’s theory of evolution as opposed to the mythological reality of man’s divine nature.
Competition between members of the same sex, men versus men and women versus women, when reaching out to the opposite gender, is one of the main mechanisms of survival. The second mechanism that is also important to evolution is that of choosing the right partner for companionship and reproduction.
The first mechanism is the most primitive and is based on instincts. Take the male animals, for example, but also men: they are all fierce when fighting for domination.
Anger, quarrel as well as murder in the old times where survival tactics used against the weak. Knights’ challenges in medieval times, road racing today and, in general, violent behavior with the aim of domination, from a simple argument between two men at the bar, to lebensraum, the theory of nations pursuing their own living space… Wars, hostility, military equipment, sacrifices on the altar of survival, whether personal or communal; survival in a different and very hostile world.
The second mechanism of survival was that of choosing a partner for reproduction, hence for the survival of the pact. This mechanism involved a few weapons that proved to be more helpful: strategy and, therefore, social skills and intelligence.
Males as well as females avoid to reveal their true desire but use specific wording and innuendos, such as, for example, let’s go for a coffee or a drink, usually implying sexual desire which, however, cannot be constrained by words.
The end of romanticism
Social experience has proved that men, although aware of the situation, still show their astonishment and seem to be stunned by the fact that older men desire younger women. The opposite also comes as a shock, i.e. younger men desiring mature women.
If we take the famous phrase “it is the economy stupid” slightly further, saying “it’s the economy and survival stupid” we could reach an explanation for all and any inappropriate choices of partners, whether in terms of age difference or biology”.
Opting for survival and choosing a “secure” partner has always been a woman’s thing and instinct, and has become a dominant feature that men are still misinterpreting in their inability to see out of the box of male dominance that is considered a feature of our society and biology.
In other words, for thousands of years, women have been choosing their partner based on the level of security that he would be able to offer his children. Men did not actually choose their partner, as their partner had already chosen them.
Therefore, what is apparently inappropriate in the case of an older man dating a younger woman, is a left over from the past. We are carrying it in our genes”, explains Dr. Konstantinidis.
The age difference
Anthropological studies but also myths, as well as history, confirm the fact that as man matured, he grew into a partner that could offer security to a young woman.
This is now also verified by the fact that in our financial system older men can provide a fixed income and a secure way of life, that seems to be what most younger women are looking for, i.e. a life without problems.
“Therefore, what seems unpaired in our eyes today is now accepted by society but is still surrounded by many negative aspects. An old man whose money have bought him freshness is nothing but the expression of an old habit that has survived in our genes” says the President of Andrology Institute Athens.
In a recent study carried out on 10,000 people from 37 countries confirms the fact that the primary choice of young women is always an older man and not a partner of the same age.
In their majority, men who took part in the survey said that they would like their wife to be ten years younger, while they could cope with the idea of being married to a woman who would be 4 years older at the most.
“To sum up, what seems unfair or politically incorrect in the eyes of gossipy Homo Sapiens, the great age difference between couples, is a natural survival choice and not a vice or affectation of our greedy nature
adds Dr. Konstantinidis.